So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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