I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
