In the future we'll all be gay
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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