I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
