It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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