idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he thought i was a dude.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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