The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
