you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
