I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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