Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
