Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
