i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
