I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
