i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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