It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
