It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
