And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
