dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
