the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This baby is an asshole
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
