you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
