I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
