so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
