I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
