Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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