I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
