Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
