I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
