If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
