tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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