I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
