Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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