I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
then he tried to convert me to islam
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
