yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
