i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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