That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
