You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
