how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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