i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
