I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
