I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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