ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
