i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
