Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My hand turned me down
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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