Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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