Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
