i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
