i wish my penis had a tongue
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
