omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
