can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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