Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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